feelings

Self reflection

I have not been consistent with my blog post lately and it’s for a few different reasons. First, my mental health hasn’t been the best and when I am depressed all my creativity goes out the door. Second, my work life balance is shit! And for someone who works part time, that’s a big problem. 

It took a bit of digging but I finally realized the root of what’s keeping me down. As much as I hated to admit, I had lost myself. Years ago I had named my Gemini twin “Lola” and I embodied this free spirited, spontaneous, fearless persona. 

Two years ago I got into a relationship with a great guy but he is so opposite of who I, Lola, was. He accepted me for who I was and never once tried to change me, however I changed without even knowing. I got into a relationship and was so happy with my mate that I stopped doing the things that had my self esteem and confidence at an all time high. I used to go shopping alone, out to eat alone and even hit the bars and clubs alone. My boyfriend hates shopping with me and despises bars and clubs. 

Without even knowing I just stopped all of that. On May 8, 2019 I realized that’s what I have been missing. So now I am on a journey to incorporate that part of me back into myself. The last time I got dressed up and felt super confident out and about was before me and my boyfriend made things official. I can’t say I know for sure what made me stop doing those things. Honestly, I think I just got wrapped up in being in a relationship. 

I am going to use my happiness list and make sure that I go shopping twice a month. Doesn’t have to be a spree, but a new shirt, dress, or accessories will excite me enough. I want to go out twice a month, which gives me a reason to wear the things from my shopping and feel confident in not only myself but going out alone again. 

It’s easier said than done to pay attention to your mental health but once you figure out what’s bothering you make a plan and execute so your mental health is healthy. We can scream mental health all we want but making sure it’s actually healthy is the real goal. 

Has there been a time where you had to self reflect and make changes? 


Mental matters because YOU matter…

Toxic Positivity

Has anyone ever told you “Someone has it worse than you” or “Positive vibes only”? The problem with phrases like these is that they promote toxic positivity. Google defines toxic positivity as “the belief that if you just stay positive it will allow you to power through whatever obstacles you encounter.”

I can’t count how many times people have told me “just stay positive” or “things could be worse.” I understand that they think they are helping but their words promote “Even though you are going through this, someone has it worse so be happy.” I’m sorry for people who are in worse situations but that doesn’t mean my situation and/or feelings are null and void. 

There’s nothing wrong with being positive and trying to speak light into your friends/family who are going through a rough time. But, the problem with toxic positivity is that we are pretending that negativity doesn’t exist. Thinking positive and posting quotes doesn’t help the issue or make someone genuinely happy. Not allowing someone to feel the sadness, anger or any other negative feelings is forcing them into delusion. 

Let’s change the way we give positive feed back to each other. There are days when we just want to vent and whine without having “positive vibes” shoved down our throats. Putting pressure on yourself or someone else to be happy all the time can make you unhappy. Below is a chart that we all could use to show a little bit more empathy to ourselves and others. Other ways to get your emotions out are journaling or meditating. Let’s put an end to toxic positivity and add healthier ways to deal with our negative emotions.

Mental Matters because you matter…

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“A normal human behaviour is to accept the emotions as they come and go, so when you hold onto positivity and refuse to acknowledge anything remotely negative by driving it away with more positive thoughts, you are ultimately paving the way for unhappiness”